I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
