Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
