My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
