So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My balls are so social today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize