Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
