I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
