I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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