How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How does one acquire holy water?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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