I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
