It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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