Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can vaginas get frostbite?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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