so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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