xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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