toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
