that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
