And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
