she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
