Me. At least after what I've been through.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
