so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
