I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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