i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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