i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Randomize
