so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
