Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
