Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Even my vagina gasped.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
