I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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