he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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