i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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