oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
