Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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