Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize