So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
