Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
