Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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