I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
