tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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