just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
