TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
