On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
