I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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