I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My pussy is not your playground.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
