Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
