I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
