so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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