a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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