your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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