Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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