he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
