I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
