i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
