wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
