The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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