I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
