New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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