Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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