69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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