If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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