I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
