I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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