is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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