This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
