everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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