I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
