He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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