69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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