She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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