well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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