I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
