Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
