Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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