You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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