She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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