I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
