she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
