i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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