come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
