normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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