there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
